My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
