covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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