so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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