One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
