I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
