At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
