the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
