Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
