Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
