i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
