She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
