Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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