Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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