Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
