I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
