We named our party play list daddy issues
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
