I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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