I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
