I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
