I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
