the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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