ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
