my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
