I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
