either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
