I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
