is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't deserve a penis
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
