so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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