U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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