They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think my moral compass just broke
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