i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
