Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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