babies were throwing up all over the place
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
