party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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