Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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