I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
