Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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