remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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