I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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