All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
