Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
