she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
