Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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