I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
