im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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