she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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