Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
