Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
