I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
