rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
