oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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